I am back in Gainesville. Meh.
Costa Rica was super amazing and educational. But honestly, I don’t want to talk about it right now. What’s really on my mind is emotions, I guess. I am all over the place. I stopped taking my medication a while ago without doctor supervision and I am starting to think that was a bad idea. Surprise surprise, I know. It’s just that…I’m supposed to be the strong one in the family. I am not supposed to break down, I’m supposed to help others through their breakdowns…. I hate feeling this way. Like I’m gonna implode any second, that none of my friends are real, that I’m so unhappy that I just want to d–.
I can’t write that out. I can barely think it.
And then when people ask my why I am so unhappy I can’t find words to describe. There aren’t really concrete easy to understand reasons. It’s just an overwhelming sadness that envelops me. I’m not always like that though. It does come and go but it comes more than it goes. I am thinking about starting up on my medication again just at a lower dose than before. I don’t know. Writing this out kinda helps.
Anyway, I’ll do a Costa Rica debriefing post later. It really was a great trip!