Friend

Friend

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My almost 15 year old miniature schnauzer loves lounging in her cousins big doggy bed!

It feels weird posting after months of inactivity but Roxy, pictured adorably above, has given me the confidence to start typing again. I don’t know how often it will be but I figured a response to a Daily Post prompt was a good way to get back on the proverbial horse.

I’m not gonna lie, it has been tough year. My self-esteem has spiraled up and down, as well as my confidence; confidence in my body, intelligence, and just confidence that I belong on this earth… Fortunately, I was able to come home for about a month and refill my lungs with good ol’ Miami air. I realized how much I missed my family and support system. I really missed my poochie, even though she is not a big snuggler and is very independent, having her around makes me feel better. I am saddened by her rapid aging–well if feels rapid to me because I’ve been gone for a year–and how fragile she seems. But she is definitely strong in her own way and her strength inspires me!!

 

 

Blog 3

I am back in Gainesville. Meh.

Costa Rica was super amazing and educational. But honestly, I don’t want to talk about it right now. What’s really on my mind is emotions, I guess. I am all over the place. I stopped taking my medication a while ago without doctor supervision and I am starting to think that was a bad idea. Surprise surprise, I know. It’s just that…I’m supposed to be the strong one in the family. I am not supposed to break down, I’m supposed to help others through their breakdowns…. I hate feeling this way. Like I’m gonna implode any second, that none of my friends are real, that I’m so unhappy that I just want to d–.

I can’t write that out. I can barely think it.

And then when people ask my why I am so unhappy I can’t find words to describe. There aren’t really concrete easy to understand reasons. It’s just an overwhelming sadness that envelops me. I’m not always like that though. It does come and go but it comes more than it goes. I am thinking about starting up on my medication again just at a lower dose than before. I don’t know. Writing this out kinda helps.

Anyway, I’ll do a Costa Rica debriefing post later. It really was a great trip!