My almost 15 year old miniature schnauzer loves lounging in her cousins big doggy bed!
It feels weird posting after months of inactivity but Roxy, pictured adorably above, has given me the confidence to start typing again. I don’t know how often it will be but I figured a response to a Daily Post prompt was a good way to get back on the proverbial horse.
I’m not gonna lie, it has been tough year. My self-esteem has spiraled up and down, as well as my confidence; confidence in my body, intelligence, and just confidence that I belong on this earth… Fortunately, I was able to come home for about a month and refill my lungs with good ol’ Miami air. I realized how much I missed my family and support system. I really missed my poochie, even though she is not a big snuggler and is very independent, having her around makes me feel better. I am saddened by her rapid aging–well if feels rapid to me because I’ve been gone for a year–and how fragile she seems. But she is definitely strong in her own way and her strength inspires me!!
How do I do this?
How do I write a blog?
I’m torn between feelings of excitement and impending doom. I have toyed with starting a blog, such a fashion statement nowadays, but have never truly committed. Well, “why now? Why this sperm?” (Legally Blonde) Truth is, I’m sad (hard to believe after that ever-so-clever quotation, I know). But seriously. I moved away from home recently into what has turned out to be a startlingly different environment, and I am having a lot of trouble coping. The cliché things have happened to me: homesick, weight gain, confusion. But recently it has been changing: I am no longer sad occasionally, I am sad all the time. It takes enormous amounts of effort to get out of bed and go to class. I keep getting these sinking feelings that my friends all just tolerate me and truly wish I was gone. Even my boyfriend has mentioned my emotional turn for the worse. This weekend I had a sort of cathartic moment with him on the way to a friend’s house after watching Manchester by the Sea (incidentally, it’s a must see. I’ll elaborate on a movie review blog). All of my pent-up emotions poured out, literally and figuratively. I don’t feel whole, I don’t feel like I am me. I am an English major who doesn’t write or read anymore. I have a passion for movies but recently have consistently fallen asleep during all of them! I love the ocean and sailing but live inland surrounded by trees and no horizon. Where am I? Where did I go? It is here, on this blog, that I hope to find my way back. I sincerely hope this blog will be a constant that I can count on, a prevalence in my life and yours, if you’re out there.